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Embracing Jealousy

“I hate you, I hate you, I don’t know you and I hate you!”

Today, I’m going to tell you a story about how embracing jealousy changed my life! LOL…Don’t close the page, give me a chance to explain this to you. I don’t know how many of you ever watched “The Chappelle Show” back in early 2000’s. I was obsessed with it, even though it was a bit grown-up for me at that time. The Chappelle show was truth wrapped in a comedic shell and this formula made it very successful.

embracing jealousy: how to make it work for your goodMy favorite episode was the Player Hater’s Ball. I literally died laughing at that episode but in the middle of all that laughter, I learned a lot about embracing jealousy and turning it into motivation and NOT anger. The episode was all about a group of men that were so filled with hate they got awards for hating on someone’s success, looks and personality. I find in today’s society, people think that being a hater and being jealous and petty is very chic and cool. FYI it’s not! Jealousy can be a bad thing but when you embrace it you can actually turn it into motivation. 

So, no this post is not 101 ways to be a better hater…sorry!

Webster defines jealousy as a feeling of resentment because of someone else’s success, advantages, or because of a personal rivalry. LISTEN LINDA, WE ALL GET JEALOUS! Anyone that says they’ve never been jealous of someone else is lying. It’s okay to feel jealousy, it’s what you decide to do with it that makes the difference.

Here are 5 ways I learned to embrace jealousy and make it work for my good. 

  1. Compliment Your Rival: When it’s 10PM and you’re scrolling on social media and you see your friend is engaged, having a baby or got a promotion, don’t scroll by and roll your eyes, compliment them. Even if you don’t feel it, do it. Blessings come when we learn to rejoice with other people!
  2. Smell Yourself: My mum used to say if you travel and everywhere you go stinks, check your self because it might be you smelling. When jealousy creeps up, it’s because in some way or another we feel inadequate. We may be having a low self-esteem day and going online can sometimes make things worse. When insecurity creeps in, ask yourself “why do I feel this way and what can I do to build myself back up” Listen, when your self-esteem is low, log offline and get with a group of people that can uplift, pray and compliment you. 
  3. Let it Push You: There is nothing like jealousy to motivate you to do better. I remember seeing my friend that had a baby a month after me, and she was back in a size 6. I was sooooo mad at her and at myself and at my body but instead of taking it out on her and letting jealousy eat me up, I decided to embrace jealousy and let it push me to exercise. Embracing jealousy can turn “hateration” into greatness. 
  4. Talk It Out: Sometimes you just gotta talk it out with a friend. When you’re feeling inadequate and jealous of just about everyone and everything they have and you don’t have, get advice from your pastor, get prayer from a friend or grab a glass of wine and chat it out with girlfriends. Nothing soothes like being able to work things out with people you trust
  5. Love is Greater: Love conquers all things. So, if hate is creeping up on you, say no and choose love. Dr. Seidman wrote a great article on jealousy in a relationship setting entitled, ‘What’s really behind Jealousy and what to do about it” and if you and your spouse are dealing with this issue, read the article HERE

embracing jealousy: how to make it work for you

Remember, embracing jealousy is not always a bad thing when you learn to make it work for your good. Next time the green-eyed monster creeps up on you, remember these 5 steps and allow love to win.

Don’t forget about my last Fun-Facts post on “How to cuff the right way during cuffing season.” Click HERE to read all about it.

I would love to style or collaborate with your business. Email me at houseofodarablog@gmail.com for information and any styling questions you may have.

Love you.Mean It

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Boo, is that you?!

“A good man/woman is hard to find but time wasters are a dime a dozen” 

Okay, So it’s October and officially Cuffing Season (LOL!). This post is all about how to find the RIGHT ONE to cuff. Marriage is one of the biggest decisions we will ever make in our life. So, don’t take it lightly and don’t waste time on time-wasters, marriage-phobes and the one-hit wonders (once they Hit-it, they are gone). I have compiled stories from couples that have been married for over 10 years to one’s who just got married last year. Lots of good wisdom in one post.

My husband met me at church while I was busy working, enjoying life and worried-less about what guy was looking at me. He said the first thing he noticed about me, besides my legs, was my tenacity. He said I looked like I had everything together (FYI I WAS A MESS). I had just broken off a relationship, I was hurting, lost and felt so rejected…but I didn’t look like it. The moment I knew he was the one was when I saw the way he treated his mom and sisters. I’m a family oriented person and I knew he was too and we connected in that aspect as well as our faith, work-ethic and goals. So that is my story, here are some others:

This is Brian and Brittany Ramsey of Birmingham, AL. They have been married for one year and met while out on the town. Brittany said she knew Brian was “The One” because:

A. He made it known he was SERIOUS about me and about the relationship.

B. He took the lead to introduce me to everyone in his family, his friends and into his world.

C. Brian said he knew Brittany was the one because she carried herself like a QUEEN!

Their advice is not to sell yourself short trying to be everything to someone who isn’t trying to be everything to you. Make sure you know from the beginning whether the person is as serious as you are so you don’t waste your time You don’t have to wait 10yrs to figure out that the girl or guy is not serious (honey, you’ll know right away).

 

This is Sederick and Sametta Fluker of Montgomery, AL. They met while in college at Alabama State University and have been married for 19 “wonderful” year as of TODAY! They have two children, both work and they still make time to enjoy each other and their marriage. Here is their advice for spotting “the one”:

A. She knew he was marriage material because he had a good work ethic and she knew he would be a great provider

B. He also kept his promises even when they were just dating (aaaahhh so important)

Their advice is to understand each other’s values and worth and get to know each other from the inside out instead of outside in. This means, get to know their internal beauty and then factor in their external beauty. Remember, looks can be deceiving because an apple may look good from the outside but be rotten once you bite into it. 

 

This is Christopher and Maraya Searcy from Montgomery, AL and Oklahoma City. They met at an internship in Kansas city and have been married for 4 months. They are loving married life and here are their words of wisdom:

A. She knew Chris was marrying material because of his capacity to love and serve without expecting anything in return. 

B. He was also serious about his walk with Christ and his faith

C. He knew she was it for him because of her love for those around her and her faith

Their advice would be to not only make sure that your potential spouse has all the good qualities you are looking for, but also make sure you have those qualities as well. Make sure you are wife/husband material.

 This is Antonio and Tamera Felder of Prattville, AL. They are both in the military and met while in college. They have been married for almost five years and love that they are each other’s best friends. Here is their advice on finding your mate:

A. She said she knew Antonio was the one because he drove 14 hours just to meet her parents and sit down with her dad face-to-face to express how much he liked her and his intentions for them. 

B. He said he knew he could marry Tamera because she was loving, caring, possessed great character and had a great booty and a beautiful face (ayyyee).

Their advice would be to put God first in your marriage if you want success. Even in the dating process, put God first and He will lead you to the right one. Plus, never rush into anything. Take your time to get to know the person and trust God’s timing. Remember, no one wants a half-baked cake so let God finish working on him/her before you marry them. 

Lastly, I asked my cousin (she’s single) some of the things she looks for when she’s dating someone so she doesn’t waste her time.

Ashlen is mother to Kaylen Loban, law student and the paralegal at a law firm in Montgomery, AL. She is also CEO of HeyGirlHey a weekly email with uplifting, funny and insightful messages. Here is her advice to the single man/woman seeking love:

A. Don’t overlook early red flags…they aren’t there just for decoration. If it’s a red flag now, it’ll be a full blow fire two years down the line.

B. Have a conversation about the trajectory of the relationship. Are y’all on the same page as to where this is leading?

C. Don’t get caught up in the hype of dating and being on the market, spend that time to work on you, better yourself, travel, enjoy life and BOSS UP!

I hope this post helped you in some way or the other. Comment below and let me know which advice helped you and how you plan on dating with purpose in the future. If you’re already married, comment and let us know how you knew your spouse was “the one” for you.

Here is a great book for those who are single and those who are married to help you understand the opposite sex better and IT’S ON SALE NOW: CLICK PICTURE TO PURCHASE

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Love you.Mean it

 

 

 

 

 

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You’re Going Somewhere!

So, it’s 2016.

We have exactly 360 days left in this year. What goals have you set for yourself?

A map can show you where to go, but unless you get in the car and drive, your destination will always just be a dream. 

r-CROSSROADS-large570Think about it, when you make a decision to take a road trip with the girls you always have a plan of action and you are prepared to execute it. The weeks leading up to the trip you spend time calculating how much everything is going to cost, you develop an itinerary, and you decide what you will be wearing…duhhh. All this preparation allows you to enjoy the trip. And even if you run into bumps in the road during the trip, you’re able to roll with the punches and know what to do and not to do for next time.

The same mindset we take with trips is the same mindset that you must take with the goals you set and achieve for 2016. Lets face it, we are on a journey called life and we only get one chance at it. So remember that no matter how many obstacles you have faced and how many times you have been knocked down, its time to get back up. 

So lets cut to the chase! How do you set goals and achieve goals? Here are some tips I’ve picked up along the way that have helped me stay on track.

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1.) Decide what it is you want in life. Remember no one knows you better than you do. Don’t make the decision based on what sounds good, but instead what you are passionate about. Start dreaming again!

2.) Focus. No one can do too many things at once, it’s the same with setting goals. You have to prioritize. Start by thinking about the important areas of your life you want to achieve something in. For example I always break mine down into categories physical, financial, spiritual, and so forth. From there I brainstorm specific goals in each area I would like to achieve. You don’t want to get overwhelmed, so I suggest selecting only 3 goals for each category you choose. Remember You can always add on to your list. All your goals need to be SMART!
S – Specific (or Significant).
M – Measurable (or Meaningful).
A – Attainable (or Action-Oriented).
R – Relevant (or Rewarding).
T – Time-bound (or Trackable).

3.) WRITE IT DOWN. I can’t say it enough. Get your pen and paper and get to writing. This is important because you will definitely need to go back and look at it.

4.) “If you fail to plan you plan to fail.” Develop a plan of action. A genie in a bottle isn’t going to be granting any of your wishes anytime soon, so girl you got to work. You have to know where in the world you are going. Nothing happens overnight. You want to lose 50 pounds you need a plan. Are you going to get a gym membership? Or will you have a personal trainer? How many times will you workout each week? Are you cutting out sweets? Having a plan allows you to not wander aimlessly.

5.) Don’t let your goals collect dust. Find time to review them periodically. I remember every year I would set goals and make a plan, but when I would review it every month it made it real again. My eyes stayed on the prize. So every too weeks or even monthly pull it out and see where you are at in your progress.

6.) Accountability. Share your goals with a person you trust. I believe this will help in those times you get distracted or discouraged. Having someone there that has your best interest at heart and desires you to succeed is vital. They will serve to both encourage and challenge you to stay the course and finish the race.

These are only a few tips on how to set and achieve your goals. Throughout the process stay positive and remember failure is only final when you allow it to be. Become committed to making you the best you. If you take these steps, you cannot help but succeed. No matter what your dream is, you can achieve it.

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Post by: Rosanna M. Smith

Facebook: Rosanna Marie Smith

Instagram: gracefullyrose

 

Be sure to subscribe for email updates and follow House of Odara on Bloglovin for updates. Find me on Instagram, Snapchat (tinkrb11e) and subscribe to my youtube channel. All emails and inquiries can be sent to funmis1@gmail.com.

XoXo Emma

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Toxic

Don’t You Know That It’s Toxic

So, how many of you remember that song Toxic by Britney Spears (yes, i’m old…lol). In it she sings about a boy that she knows is bad for her, but she is so addicted to him that she can’t let him go. I used to be obsessed with this song when I was younger. I sang it all the time because the beat was so catchy and the song was just fun. But, it’s actually a very sad song. Britney sings that the guy she’s in love with is dangerous but she loves it! Wait, what?! But, if you think about it, haven’t we all had a toxic relationship at least once in our life? #raiseshand

I used to be in a relationship like this. I dated a guy who was very mentally and verbally abusive. I was never good enough for him. I thought if I was slimmer, if I just wore more makeup, if I didn’t talk back and agreed to everything he said, he would be nicer to me. I dumbed down my voice and personality to try and be the person he wanted. But, what I didn’t realize was that he didn’t have the capacity to love me the way I needed to be loved. He had his own issues and problems. He was miserable, so all he had to give was misery. Now, if I decided to stay in that relationship, hoping and praying he would change, I would have no one to blame for my decision. So, I did the smart thing, I RAN! I left that relationship and never looked back. Believe me, it wasn’t easy to let go of someone I thought I loved so much, but I saw my future and I wanted better for it. I prayed and asked God for strength not to go back and not to give in. I occupied myself with other things, and a couple of months later I realized I hadn’t thought about him or about that situation in weeks.

Your situation might be different from mine. You might have been or are currently in a toxic friendship. You know, that friend that always puts you down, is secretly jealous of you and never has anything good to say about you. Or you might currently be in a toxic relationship where you are being abused physically or emotionally. Or your issue might be a boyfriend or girlfriend that only uses you for your money, your body or your attention. We’ve all invited these toxic people into our lives and allowed them to overstay their welcome. Sometimes we are so afraid of being alone, of letting go, of the unknown that we just live in the mess hoping for change. And sometimes we just stay hoping for the best. What we have to realize is that we have to be the change we want to see. If someone or something in your life is unhealthy, “do da Heisman on em” and keep it moving. Remember that you are worth more!

As we enter 2016, let’s make a decision together to let go of any relationships that are toxic. Whether platonic or romantic, if it doesn’t benefit us, our dreams and our goals, we will let it go. Let’s also decide to grab ahold of the things that matter to us, and be passionate about the good and healthy things in our lives. How many of you all will do this with me?

I want to know what toxic relationships and situations you have already let go of and which ones you plan on letting go of in 2016.  Share this post with someone that needs it and comment below and let us  your thoughts. Plus, I know I have some wise followers, so comment and let us know ways you cut toxic things out of our life. I can’t wait to read your responses.

 

*If you are in a physically toxic relationship, please find a pastor or counsellor to talk to. This is a serious situation and you have to speak to someone about it to get help and assistance in getting out. You are worth more than someone who cannot respect you enough to protect you from themselves* (334.613.3363)

Be sure to follow me on Bloglovin for updates and follow me on Instagram, Snapchat (tinkrb11e) and subscribe to my youtube channel. All emails and inquiries can be sent to funmis1@gmail.com.

XoXo Emma

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