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Embracing Jealousy

“I hate you, I hate you, I don’t know you and I hate you!”

Today, I’m going to tell you a story about how embracing jealousy changed my life! LOL…Don’t close the page, give me a chance to explain this to you. I don’t know how many of you ever watched “The Chappelle Show” back in early 2000’s. I was obsessed with it, even though it was a bit grown-up for me at that time. The Chappelle show was truth wrapped in a comedic shell and this formula made it very successful.

embracing jealousy: how to make it work for your goodMy favorite episode was the Player Hater’s Ball. I literally died laughing at that episode but in the middle of all that laughter, I learned a lot about embracing jealousy and turning it into motivation and NOT anger. The episode was all about a group of men that were so filled with hate they got awards for hating on someone’s success, looks and personality. I find in today’s society, people think that being a hater and being jealous and petty is very chic and cool. FYI it’s not! Jealousy can be a bad thing but when you embrace it you can actually turn it into motivation. 

So, no this post is not 101 ways to be a better hater…sorry!

Webster defines jealousy as a feeling of resentment because of someone else’s success, advantages, or because of a personal rivalry. LISTEN LINDA, WE ALL GET JEALOUS! Anyone that says they’ve never been jealous of someone else is lying. It’s okay to feel jealousy, it’s what you decide to do with it that makes the difference.

Here are 5 ways I learned to embrace jealousy and make it work for my good. 

  1. Compliment Your Rival: When it’s 10PM and you’re scrolling on social media and you see your friend is engaged, having a baby or got a promotion, don’t scroll by and roll your eyes, compliment them. Even if you don’t feel it, do it. Blessings come when we learn to rejoice with other people!
  2. Smell Yourself: My mum used to say if you travel and everywhere you go stinks, check your self because it might be you smelling. When jealousy creeps up, it’s because in some way or another we feel inadequate. We may be having a low self-esteem day and going online can sometimes make things worse. When insecurity creeps in, ask yourself “why do I feel this way and what can I do to build myself back up” Listen, when your self-esteem is low, log offline and get with a group of people that can uplift, pray and compliment you. 
  3. Let it Push You: There is nothing like jealousy to motivate you to do better. I remember seeing my friend that had a baby a month after me, and she was back in a size 6. I was sooooo mad at her and at myself and at my body but instead of taking it out on her and letting jealousy eat me up, I decided to embrace jealousy and let it push me to exercise. Embracing jealousy can turn “hateration” into greatness. 
  4. Talk It Out: Sometimes you just gotta talk it out with a friend. When you’re feeling inadequate and jealous of just about everyone and everything they have and you don’t have, get advice from your pastor, get prayer from a friend or grab a glass of wine and chat it out with girlfriends. Nothing soothes like being able to work things out with people you trust
  5. Love is Greater: Love conquers all things. So, if hate is creeping up on you, say no and choose love. Dr. Seidman wrote a great article on jealousy in a relationship setting entitled, ‘What’s really behind Jealousy and what to do about it” and if you and your spouse are dealing with this issue, read the article HERE

embracing jealousy: how to make it work for you

Remember, embracing jealousy is not always a bad thing when you learn to make it work for your good. Next time the green-eyed monster creeps up on you, remember these 5 steps and allow love to win.

Don’t forget about my last Fun-Facts post on “How to cuff the right way during cuffing season.” Click HERE to read all about it.

I would love to style or collaborate with your business. Email me at houseofodarablog@gmail.com for information and any styling questions you may have.

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#WCW

Hey Girl Hey!!

Okay, if you know me, you know I’m all about the holidays, especially Christmas!! It is imperative for me to make sure that everyone that is dear to me is in the holiday spirit!  I just Loveee it!! Holidays give you a reason to shop more & care less (until your bank statement arrives)!!

Nevertheless, I’m all about treating yourself-you’ve worked all year, buy the SHOES (do it for the culture)!! I’m sure I’ve used the excuse of “it’s Christmas” one too many times in regards to one too many purchases!! People ask, “What is it about the holidays that you love so much?” My answer is simple:

When I think of the holidays I think of relaxation, time off work, *random ugly sweater parties (any excuse to partay!) & quality time with friends and family. Too often we get caught up in the combustion of the materialistic items and find ourselves stressed out!! While in reality it’s not even about that. Don’t get me wrong. I will shop til’ I drop (I’m not a shopaholic, I’m actually helping the economy). However, I’m more so here for creating moments that turn into forever memories.

I’m a mommy to a FABULOUS five year old (Kaylen) that has a personality bigger than herself!! I honestly never saw myself being a mother. & I honestly never thought that I would be saying this… but she is the BEST thing I’ve ever done!! Hands down!

A day in my life consist of being a full-time mother, (shout out to mothers, especially SINGLE mothers) working as a full-time Paralegal & prepping to finesse my way into law school. My mind is constantly on GO, always thinking, always prepping, always scheduling, literally ALWAYS doing something!

For this very reason when holiday season comes I am HAPPY. I am JOYFUL. I am THANKFUL. I am APPRECIATIVE. During the months of January-October we are busy getting our lives together for the better! I look at November (Thanksgiving) & December (Christmas) as a time to relax & catch up on things and people that I may have put off during my “Grind Months”.

 

“GIVE THEM THEIR FLOWERS WHILE THEY’RE STILL ALIVe”

Holiday season is the perfect time to do so! Take time out to appreciate the ones you love, you don’t have to literally give flowers (unless that’s your thing) but words and affection can go a long way.

This holiday season my hope is that we don’t forget the true reason for the season (Isaiah 9:6). That we find bliss within the smallest things. & that we take time out to love our loved ones while they are here.

Happy Holidays! May they be as EXTRAORDINARY as YOU!

 

 

 

 

Xoxo-Ashlen & Kaylen

(IG: arenecuy)

cc: Hey Girl Hey (IG: heygirlsheyus FB: Hey Girls Hey!

 

 

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Single Bells…Single Bells

couple-staying-in-1-bedroom-luxury-cabins-in-Gatlinburg-TN-300x200In a cozy Tennessee cabin, a beautiful woman and a handsome man cuddle in front of the fireplace as soft jazz plays in the background. They are playing footsie, while sipping on hot chocolate, laughing and joking about Christmases long, long ago. They lovingly stare into each others soulful eyes and anticipate a lifetime filled with passion and promise…

This is someone’s story…

 

Just not mine!  At least, not this year!  And no you don’t have to hide all the knives and cover all the bridges. I will not be jumping unless there is a secured (very secure) bungee cord attached to me!!! Lol

There is a song that says, “What Do the Lonely Do at Christmas?”

HOLD UP…WAIT A MINUTE!! Who says you have to be lonely just because you’re single? It is very possible to be alone and not be lonely. You have family, friends, coworkers, and even frenemies that are willing to be there and be a support system for you during the holidays, if you let them. Plus, there are so many activities happening around this time of year where you can mix and mingle. So, link arms with another single friend, a cousin, or a loved one and get to mingling! Don’t dwell on being single!!

IA

 

And anyway, I’m sure there isn’t a, “Build-A-Man” section in Santa’s Workshop. So no, no matter how much you pray and dream about it, Idris Elba will not be under your Christmas tree this year! lol

 

The truth of the matter is Jesus is the real reason for this season. What a beautiful and wonderful gift God sent us… His Beloved Son.

However, God didn’t stop sending gifts to this earth. He sent you and me.

Yaaaaaaasssss, Honey!! You are a gift!! a-christmas-giftYou may not have been given to anyone yet, but that doesn’t devalue your worth…you are priceless. You are not the kind of gift where you hope they put the gift receipt with it so you can return it later, or even the gift that ends up being re-gifted!! Your love, your time, your presence, your knowledge, your strength, your everything is a gift, and the kind that keeps on giving. You are the kind of gift that someone doesn’t even know they need until they get it. That being said, you don’t just give that kind of gift to anyone. You want to give it to someone who knows how to embrace and love all the beauty that is you!

So maybe this Christmas, you are still single. So maybe this Christmas, your Adam is STILL sleeping or your Eve hasn’t been finished yet!! That is perfectly fine!! Remember, no good thing will God withhold from them that trust and love Him.

So go ahead and enjoy this holiday season with your family and friends. And as for the question, “What do the lonely do at Christmas?” I have absolutely no idea but I’ll be having the time of my life with the ones I love and the ones who love me best!! You do the same!

Merry Christmas,

ZaMaya

z

Writer: Zamaya Johnson Email: zjohnson27@ymail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comment below and let me know how you like this great article by the talented and beautiful Zamaya Johnson. Share it with a friend who needs to read it and leave comments below on how you deal with being single and happy during the holidays. Love you all and thank you always for your love and support.

Be sure to follow me on Bloglovin for updates and follow me on Instagram, Snapchat (tinkrb11e) and subscribe to my youtube channel. All emails and inquiries can be sent to funmis1@gmail.com.

XoXo Emma

 

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Toxic

Don’t You Know That It’s Toxic

So, how many of you remember that song Toxic by Britney Spears (yes, i’m old…lol). In it she sings about a boy that she knows is bad for her, but she is so addicted to him that she can’t let him go. I used to be obsessed with this song when I was younger. I sang it all the time because the beat was so catchy and the song was just fun. But, it’s actually a very sad song. Britney sings that the guy she’s in love with is dangerous but she loves it! Wait, what?! But, if you think about it, haven’t we all had a toxic relationship at least once in our life? #raiseshand

I used to be in a relationship like this. I dated a guy who was very mentally and verbally abusive. I was never good enough for him. I thought if I was slimmer, if I just wore more makeup, if I didn’t talk back and agreed to everything he said, he would be nicer to me. I dumbed down my voice and personality to try and be the person he wanted. But, what I didn’t realize was that he didn’t have the capacity to love me the way I needed to be loved. He had his own issues and problems. He was miserable, so all he had to give was misery. Now, if I decided to stay in that relationship, hoping and praying he would change, I would have no one to blame for my decision. So, I did the smart thing, I RAN! I left that relationship and never looked back. Believe me, it wasn’t easy to let go of someone I thought I loved so much, but I saw my future and I wanted better for it. I prayed and asked God for strength not to go back and not to give in. I occupied myself with other things, and a couple of months later I realized I hadn’t thought about him or about that situation in weeks.

Your situation might be different from mine. You might have been or are currently in a toxic friendship. You know, that friend that always puts you down, is secretly jealous of you and never has anything good to say about you. Or you might currently be in a toxic relationship where you are being abused physically or emotionally. Or your issue might be a boyfriend or girlfriend that only uses you for your money, your body or your attention. We’ve all invited these toxic people into our lives and allowed them to overstay their welcome. Sometimes we are so afraid of being alone, of letting go, of the unknown that we just live in the mess hoping for change. And sometimes we just stay hoping for the best. What we have to realize is that we have to be the change we want to see. If someone or something in your life is unhealthy, “do da Heisman on em” and keep it moving. Remember that you are worth more!

As we enter 2016, let’s make a decision together to let go of any relationships that are toxic. Whether platonic or romantic, if it doesn’t benefit us, our dreams and our goals, we will let it go. Let’s also decide to grab ahold of the things that matter to us, and be passionate about the good and healthy things in our lives. How many of you all will do this with me?

I want to know what toxic relationships and situations you have already let go of and which ones you plan on letting go of in 2016.  Share this post with someone that needs it and comment below and let us  your thoughts. Plus, I know I have some wise followers, so comment and let us know ways you cut toxic things out of our life. I can’t wait to read your responses.

 

*If you are in a physically toxic relationship, please find a pastor or counsellor to talk to. This is a serious situation and you have to speak to someone about it to get help and assistance in getting out. You are worth more than someone who cannot respect you enough to protect you from themselves* (334.613.3363)

Be sure to follow me on Bloglovin for updates and follow me on Instagram, Snapchat (tinkrb11e) and subscribe to my youtube channel. All emails and inquiries can be sent to funmis1@gmail.com.

XoXo Emma

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Afordablefits

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving All,

I am going to keep this blogpost short, but I wanted to give you a BTS view of how my family celebrates Thanksgiving. Being from Africa, I never knew or celebrated Thanksgiving until I came to America. I fell in love with this awesome tradition. How wonderful is it that we get a whole day dedicated to giving thanks for all the things that we have. This is a tradition that we should try to keep all year around. I am forever grateful for all that God has given me. The opportunity to come to America, my family, my husband, my church and the future I have yet to see or achieve.

I pray that this thanksgiving was a good for you as well. Even if you didn’t celebrate it with your natural family or with all the food and friends that you wanted, you are still blessed because you are alive right now! I thank God for every single one of you that read this blog and encourage me with all the kind words and love…I pray that this holiday season is peaceful and blessed.

Follow this link to view a video of our family prayer and subscribe to my fab youtube page!

After stuffing our face, my husband and I took some time out to go watch the movie Creed . Great movie! Check it out.

Comment below and let us know how your Thanksgiving went and what kind of traditions you and your family have.

BTW, how many of y’all are going out to weather the craziness that is Black Friday? Please be safe and remember that a toaster oven or vacuum is not worth your life…lol!

Be sure to follow me on Bloglovin for updates and follow me on Instagram and Snapchat (tinkrbe11e) and all emails and inquiries can be sent to funmis1@gmail.com.

Pssss…Remember that a grateful heart is a happy heart.

XoXo Emma Ford